I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
