It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
