I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
