If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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