my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
