he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
