why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
