TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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