hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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