What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you would pick up someone in the library
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
