Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
