Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
