You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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