If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Shame is for Republicans.
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