I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
