i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
