If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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