Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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