his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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