Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
