one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
