why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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