hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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