So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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