I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
