I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
