Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
