Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
