I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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