dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
