i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I checked into jail on foursquare
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
