I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Randomize