Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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