Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
