I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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