I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
