Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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