8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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