so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize