i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
