that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
