Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
