I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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