Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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