i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So squirting runs in the family.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
