You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
