could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
