Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
