Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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