If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
