hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
