He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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