all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
