on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
