come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
