I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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