Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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