One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
