He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
