i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
