Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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