Cold hands, warm shart.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
