who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
