you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
