Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
