As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
