Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
