These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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