i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
