I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
