If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
