Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
