Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
