omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
