i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
