nut hugger
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I love having hate sex.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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