At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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