I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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