pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
