well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Your cock deserves a montage
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
