Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
