you guys were way drunker than both of me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is it because I queefed?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
