it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
