I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
