If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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