i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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