Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
