the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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