I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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