her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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