i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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