Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
