my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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