there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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