I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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